The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Week

Let me tell you about my terrible, horrible, no good, very bad week.  First, I was going on three weeks of work without AC ... in south Mississippi ... in June!  Our Dean decided we could work half days from home and half days in the office.  Whoohoo, looking up!  On the first half day, I stopped by a store I frequent to browse any new merchandise.  Suddenly I felt weak, and my upper back, neck, and shoulder were in some not so nice pain.  I dropped anything I had been looking at and rushed home to take some medicine thinking it was somehow connected to monthly things.  A few minutes later I started getting chills.  I took my temperature and at that point it was 99.1º.  Over the next couple of hours it climbed to 103.4º after taking Ibuprofen and Tylenol.  I had major chills, was shivering, still in pain, headache, and super fatigued.  Ensue freak out #1.  Just when I was about to go to the ER, my fever broke.  I felt completely normal and fine until noon the next day, Friday.  It came back with a vengeance!  Fever got to 104º, shivering so bad I couldn't hold my phone to call a doctor, lips and fingers turned blue, AND the worst ... throwing up (ew!).  Ensue freak out #2.  Went to the doctor, had to wait for over an hour, was there for almost three hours, paid $233 (ensue freak out #3), had to take my first day off from work at my new job, and the doctor couldn't tell me what was wrong. They gave me a shot and put me on an antibiotic, but never had a stitch of another symptom!  I was fine all weekend and the next week with just some minor fatigue.  Monday I was pulling into my driveway from visiting a friend, and my gear shift wouldn't move.  I turned off my car, and then my gear shift still wouldn't move, and my car wouldn't crank because it wouldn't go into park.  AHHH! Ensue freak out #4.  My friends came over and fixed it that night – minor fix!  On Wednesday my phone died.  Like, completely dead and wouldn't come on.  Ensue freak out #5.  Went to the Apple Store even though the web said they didn't have an appointment until the weekend.  I was sure I was going to have to fork out way too much money to replace an overpriced phone OR go without a phone (like I could do that) and buy a real alarm clock (the horror)!  The logic board had died, and it wasn't my fault, so I got a brand new phone for free!

So clearly, it could have been a lot worse.  And clearly, the point of the post is not to complain about my terrible, horrible, no good, very bad week.  What I wanted to emphasize by retelling you the story about my terrible, horrible, no good, very bad week (besides saying that as many times as possible) was how many times I freaked out {worst case scenario style} each time.  I knew God was trying to teach me something or reinforce something He was already teaching me.  It finally hit me like a ton of bricks!

I grew up in the text book version of a dysfunctional family.  As a classic text book adult child of a dysfunctional family, I struggle with "waiting for the other shoe to drop" syndrome.  My childhood was utter chaos and a lot more bad happened than good.  But God took care of me!  I've been to counseling, and I know the thought patterns I struggle with and how to fix them.  I truly do feel healed from the damage.  I say that to say, it's my responsibility and no one else's to trust and rely on the Holy Spirit to help me believe, remember, and live in the truth that God is good!  God reminds me over and over and over again that though bad things happen, HE IS GOOD!  It's a lesson I can't seem to cling to.

Earlier in the year my church went through a sermon series called The Change Project that made me painfully aware of my struggle to believe and remember that God is good.  The inspiration for the series was Tim Chester's Book, "You Can Change," which we were challenged to read.  The book suggests that our sins and struggles are connected to our inability to believe fundamental truths and promises about God.  The fundamental truths and promises are that: 1. God is good.  2. God is great.  3. God is gracious.  4. God is glorious. When we struggle to believe God is good and that we don't have to look anywhere else for satisfaction, our idol can become comfort and our struggles comfort-related.  When we struggle to believe God is great and that we don't have to be in control, our idol can become control and our struggles control-related.  When we struggle to believe that God is gracious and that we don't have to perform, our idol can become power and our struggles power-related.  When we struggle to believe God is glorious and that we don't have to fear others, our idol can become approval and our struggles approval-related. 

My terrible, horrible, no good, very bad week was a constant reminder that God is good.  The lyrics of a song call "Shepherd" by Bethel music and my inability to get them right solidified this lesson God was trying to teach and reteach and reteach me.  A line in the song says, "You will lift my head above the mighty waves.  You are able to keep me from stumbling."  Without fail every time I tried to sing along in my car, I said suffering instead of stumbling.  The Bible never promises we won't suffer.  In fact, it says we will.  Bad happens because we live in a fallen, broken world.  But God redeems it! 

What the Bible does say is that God will use the bad, broken, and suffering for good.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

What the Bible does say is that God CAN keep us from stumbling. 

"Now to him who is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you blameless before the presence of his glory with great joy." Jude 1:24

"No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it." 1 Corinthians 10:13

Regardless of the truths you struggle to believe about God, they are still TRUE!  And the Holy Spirit can help us in our journey to cling to truth rather than unbelief.  I will celebrate the small victory of my response time, remembering that God is good, was quicker on the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad week than previous years of my life.  BUT I hope I keep relying on the Holy Spirit to change this struggle in me so that I don't always go back to unbelief.  I pray you join me on this journey and that we let truth win! 

Let's make our own rules, 
Kasia

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