Let me tell you about my terrible, horrible, no good, very bad week.  First, I was going on three weeks of work without AC ... in south Mississippi ... in June!  Our Dean decided we could work half days from home and half days in the office.  Whoohoo, looking up!  On the first half day, I stopped by a store I frequent to browse any new merchandise.  Suddenly I felt weak, and my upper back, neck, and shoulder were in some not so nice pain.  I dropped anything I had been looking at and rushed home to take some medicine thinking it was somehow connected to monthly things.  A few minutes later I started getting chills.  I took my temperature and at that point it was 99.1º.  Over the next couple of hours it climbed to 103.4º after taking Ibuprofen and Tylenol.  I had major chills, was shivering, still in pain, headache, and super fatigued.  Ensue freak out #1.  Just when I was about to go to the ER, my fever broke.  I felt completely normal and fine until noon the next day, Friday.  It came back with a vengeance!  Fever got to 104º, shivering so bad I couldn't hold my phone to call a doctor, lips and fingers turned blue, AND the worst ... throwing up (ew!).  Ensue freak out #2.  Went to the doctor, had to wait for over an hour, was there for almost three hours, paid $233 (ensue freak out #3), had to take my first day off from work at my new job, and the doctor couldn't tell me what was wrong. They gave me a shot and put me on an antibiotic, but never had a stitch of another symptom!  I was fine all weekend and the next week with just some minor fatigue.  Monday I was pulling into my driveway from visiting a friend, and my gear shift wouldn't move.  I turned off my car, and then my gear shift still wouldn't move, and my car wouldn't crank because it wouldn't go into park.  AHHH! Ensue freak out #4.  My friends came over and fixed it that night – minor fix!  On Wednesday my phone died.  Like, completely dead and wouldn't come on.  Ensue freak out #5.  Went to the Apple Store even though the web said they didn't have an appointment until the weekend.  I was sure I was going to have to fork out way too much money to replace an overpriced phone OR go without a phone (like I could do that) and buy a real alarm clock (the horror)!  The logic board had died, and it wasn't my fault, so I got a brand new phone for free!

So clearly, it could have been a lot worse.  And clearly, the point of the post is not to complain about my terrible, horrible, no good, very bad week.  What I wanted to emphasize by retelling you the story about my terrible, horrible, no good, very bad week (besides saying that as many times as possible) was how many times I freaked out {worst case scenario style} each time.  I knew God was trying to teach me something or reinforce something He was already teaching me.  It finally hit me like a ton of bricks!

I grew up in the text book version of a dysfunctional family.  As a classic text book adult child of a dysfunctional family, I struggle with "waiting for the other shoe to drop" syndrome.  My childhood was utter chaos and a lot more bad happened than good.  But God took care of me!  I've been to counseling, and I know the thought patterns I struggle with and how to fix them.  I truly do feel healed from the damage.  I say that to say, it's my responsibility and no one else's to trust and rely on the Holy Spirit to help me believe, remember, and live in the truth that God is good!  God reminds me over and over and over again that though bad things happen, HE IS GOOD!  It's a lesson I can't seem to cling to.

Earlier in the year my church went through a sermon series called The Change Project that made me painfully aware of my struggle to believe and remember that God is good.  The inspiration for the series was Tim Chester's Book, "You Can Change," which we were challenged to read.  The book suggests that our sins and struggles are connected to our inability to believe fundamental truths and promises about God.  The fundamental truths and promises are that: 1. God is good.  2. God is great.  3. God is gracious.  4. God is glorious. When we struggle to believe God is good and that we don't have to look anywhere else for satisfaction, our idol can become comfort and our struggles comfort-related.  When we struggle to believe God is great and that we don't have to be in control, our idol can become control and our struggles control-related.  When we struggle to believe that God is gracious and that we don't have to perform, our idol can become power and our struggles power-related.  When we struggle to believe God is glorious and that we don't have to fear others, our idol can become approval and our struggles approval-related. 

My terrible, horrible, no good, very bad week was a constant reminder that God is good.  The lyrics of a song call "Shepherd" by Bethel music and my inability to get them right solidified this lesson God was trying to teach and reteach and reteach me.  A line in the song says, "You will lift my head above the mighty waves.  You are able to keep me from stumbling."  Without fail every time I tried to sing along in my car, I said suffering instead of stumbling.  The Bible never promises we won't suffer.  In fact, it says we will.  Bad happens because we live in a fallen, broken world.  But God redeems it! 

What the Bible does say is that God will use the bad, broken, and suffering for good.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

What the Bible does say is that God CAN keep us from stumbling. 

"Now to him who is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you blameless before the presence of his glory with great joy." Jude 1:24

"No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it." 1 Corinthians 10:13

Regardless of the truths you struggle to believe about God, they are still TRUE!  And the Holy Spirit can help us in our journey to cling to truth rather than unbelief.  I will celebrate the small victory of my response time, remembering that God is good, was quicker on the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad week than previous years of my life.  BUT I hope I keep relying on the Holy Spirit to change this struggle in me so that I don't always go back to unbelief.  I pray you join me on this journey and that we let truth win! 

Let's make our own rules, 
Kasia

I just finished going through a study of Ruth with the She Reads Truth community.  I've gone through the book of Ruth probably more times than any other book in the Bible and I NEVER get tired of it.  It's a story that captivates my Taylor Swift kindred spirit-ness more than any other.  It's a sit on the edge of your seat kind of love story, totally worthy of some catchy Taylor Swift tune, but it's so so much more!  There are so many lessons to be learned from Ruth about so many things: grief, spiritual mothers, healing, God's plan, and more.  But the thing that overwhelmed me this time about this wonderful little book in the Bible, is that Ruth's love story is MY love story.  Ruth's love story is YOUR love story.  Ruth's love story is OUR love story whether we have earthly romantic love or not. 

She Reads Truth said the following about Ruth: 

"God used our Ruth.  He gives us a glimpse of what a Redeemer looks like, both loving and just, through Boaz.  He has redeemed you like Boaz redeemed Ruth.  Their love story is our love story.  And in the most public way possible, He redeemed us once and for all, a people for His own possession.  Sisters, go forward today like Ruth!  Loved so genuinely and so incredibly by the One Who redeemed you to be His.  You are loved.  And you are His." 

I'm in a strange season where my life kinda sorta feels like a Taylor Swift song some days (with butterflies, smiles, and the fun and frustrating kind of confusion).  However, whether this mystery thing in my life becomes something or doesn't, whether it's fleeting or will last, it doesn't and can't compare with the way God's love for me, for you, for us, overwhelms me!  As a single woman, I dream about a Ruth and Boaz romance.  It overwhelms me to hope (I want to say know, but hope is as good as knowing) that God would send a man into my life who would redeem me.  Who would love me in spite of any past mistakes I've made and any future mistakes I will make.  Who would love me, my flaws, my quirks, and all.  A man who would redeem the broken family I was born into by becoming my family and creating our own family.  That kind of earthly love is a dream I hope I do have one day.  But that love is also something we all already have. 

After finishing up Ruth, completely overwhelmed by how Boaz loved her, how God loved Ruth by providing for her, and how God loves us by making this story our story in that He sent the ultimate Redeemer to redeem us forever, I was driving to work and this song by Bethel Music called "We Dance" came up on my playlist.  The lyrics read: 

"You steady me.  Slow and sweet, we sway.  Take the lead and I will follow.  Finally ready now, to close my eyes and just believe that You won’t lead me where You don’t go.

When my faith gets tired and my hope seems lost, You spin me round and round and remind me of that song, the one You wrote for me.  And we dance!

And I’ve been told to pick up my sword and fight for love.  Little did I know that Love had won for me.  Here in Your arms You still my heart again.  And I breathe You in like I’ve never breathed ‘til now.

And I will lock eyes with the One who’s ransomed me.  The One who gave me joy for mourning.  Oh, I will lock eyes with the One who’s chosen me.  The one who set my feet to dancing. 

We dance.  Just You and me.  It's nice to know I'm not alone.  I've found my home here in Your arms."


Thinking about that song with the hope of hoping God will send an earthly man to me to love me that way, with the power of the Holy Spirit, as Jesus loves the church, brought me to tears.  But then, thinking about my Savior and how He already, has always, and will always love me that way brought on full force weeping aka ugly crying. I pray today wherever you are and however loved you feel on earth, that you will understand and embrace God's love for you. 

Let's make our own rules, 
Kasia

We are in the beautiful season of holidays where we have just honored mothers last month and will honor fathers this weekend.  As you probably know from some of my previous posts, I lost my dad last year.  It was one of the hardest things I've ever gone through.  I discussed in a previous post (LINK) about how to help friends and loved ones who have lost, and mentioned specific days that are hard.  While Mother's Day and Father's Day are beautiful times of celebration for many, they carry some expected moments of grief for others.  Each year as  Mother's Day and Father's Day draw near, the evidence is everywhere.  Every advertising email reminds us to get a gift for Mother's Day or Father's Day.  Every commercial is full of ideas for Mother's Day and Father's Day gifts.  Even Food Network shows offer meal ideas in abundance.  Grocery stores will even have manly food on sale as Father's Day approaches.  It's everywhere. 

If you know someone who has lost their mother or father this year, or ever, I challenge you to pray for them!  They (counselors, fellow grievers, grief books and blogs) say the first year of every holiday is the worst.  Father's Day for me last year felt like a different kind of worse.  It's sort of like waiting for a category five hurricane to hit or waiting for a tornado to pass while hiding in your bathroom when the sirens go off.  It's heavy.  It's scary.  I read this from a blog by someone who lost their dad ten years ago:

"Ever since, I have felt the most raw and exposed on Father's Day and on the anniversary of the day he died, Feb. 15.  It's like a wild hunger.  No amount of time could ever fully heal the pain.  Father's Day, in particular, will always make that hole inside me feel deeper because my loss becomes a lot more obvious.  While everyone else is gathering to show their love for their dad, I am in mourning."  (from The Globe and Mail)

And he wrote that ten years after losing his dad.  So remember the motherless and fatherless in your life this Mother's Day and Father's Day season.  Celebrate!  Enjoy your mom and dad.  Love them.  Buy them a gift no matter how silly or last minute it is.  Make him or her their favorite cake, even if it's from a box.  Tell them you love them.  Take a picture with each of them, you probably don't have enough.  Call them often.  Do anything and everything you can.  And when you're done enjoying every possible moment with your mom and dad you can, pray for us - the motherless and fatherless, the widows; the ones without their sons, daughters, brothers, and sisters. 

And if my plea and words aren't convincing enough, I'm pretty sure the Heavenly Father is okay with you thinking and praying for us too. 

"For the Lord your God is God of gods and Lord of lords, the great God, mighty and awesome, who shows no partiality and accepts no bribes. He defends the cause of the fatherless and the widow, and loves the foreigner residing among you, giving them food and clothing." Deuteronomy 10: 17-18

"When you are harvesting in your field and you overlook a sheaf, do not go back to get it. Leave it for the foreigner, the fatherless and the widow, so that the Lord your God may bless you in all the work of your hands. When you beat the olives from your trees, do not go over the branches a second time. Leave what remains for the foreigner, the fatherless and the widow. When you harvest the grapes in your vineyard, do not go over the vines again. Leave what remains for the foreigner, the fatherless and the widow." Deuteronomy 24:19-21 

"But you, God, see the trouble of the afflicted; you consider their grief and take it in hand. The victims commit themselves to you; you are the helper of the fatherless." Psalm 10:14 

"A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling." Psalm 68:5

"Defend the weak and the fatherless; uphold the cause of the poor and the oppressed." Psalm 82:3

"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." James 1:27

If you're motherless or fatherless during this Mother's Day and Father's Day season, grieve the way you need to!  If you need to skip church and the special service every church will inevitably have, you have permission.  Take your Bible somewhere else and spend some time with Jesus.  He knows you're hurting.  Take at least a moment in the day to let the Heavenly Father love you.  Cry, weep, mourn.  And then if you're up for it, remember.  Remember her.  Remember him. 

I likely won't be going to church again this year on Father's Day either.  Or to Starbucks - too many people that might see me cry.  I'll probably go to a coffee shop that's a little quieter on Sundays, spending time with my Heavenly Father on my own.  I'll cry.  And then I'll remember with people who can handle it and understand that it's okay to be sad and happy at the same time.  The mother of the son who wrote the blog post I quoted earlier puts a yearly memorial in their local paper that reads, "My happiness is filled with sadness without you to share it with." 

Grieve the way you need to!  If that means being alone, it's okay!  But if you don't want to be alone, surround yourself with people who will remember with you. 

Let's make our own rules, 
Kasia

You may or may not have noticed (hopefully you did!) that we took a little unannounced, seemingly unintentional break from blogging and social media. I (Kasia here), wish I could tell you the break was for some super fancy reason like fasting from social media, visiting the Wizarding World of Harry Potter (I seriously have GOT to make that happen in my life), going on a European vacation, writing a book, meeting the man of my dreams (we've gotta make that happen too), or something of the sort, but that's definitely not the case here. Anyone with kids or anyone who works in education knows that April-May is insanely busy. I don't have kids, but I do work in higher education. In the midst of normal end of the school year craziness, April and May also involved finishing a job I've worked at for the last 3 1/2 years, packing up and moving out of an apartment I lived in for 3 1/2 years, starting a new job and all the transition that comes with that (being the new kid, feeling like you'll never know anything related to your new job, etc), moving into a house, and adjusting to life with roommates  (I've lived by myself for roughly 5 years). Oh and I turned 31. 31 somehow sounds a little less magical to me than 30, but 30 was the best year of my life thus far, so high hopes. But 31? It doesn't sound as cool as 30. Sometimes I think transition should be a four letter word. Anyone with me? 

I reluctantly made the wise choice to take a break from blogging on any blogs until I was somewhat transitioned. The TWU faculty and blogging team was so supportive and covered me in prayer and encouragement through all the changes. That was huge considering that taking that break meant not managing and posting their posts here either. So thankful for those ladies! I'm not transitioned fully or anything (are we ever?), but my house is enough unpacked, my new sleep schedule feels somewhat normal, I know a few things at work (emphasis on few, as in three or four, no more), I'm a little less sad about the wonderful chapter of life I finished by leaving my former job and apartment, and all my free time is no longer occupied by packing, unpacking, moving, reading policy and procedures, and freaking out about all the change happening. 

As I thought about transition and coming back to this writing space to write and post things, I was also reminded of how often I have to come back to Jesus. I had a whole Starbucks day planned to find my writing rhythms again, get organized, prep posts, etc. I made myself start with Jesus, knowing He inspires my words, but honestly, I wasn't very excited about it. I've been feeling the weight of my sin and how the lack of a good outlet, like writing, was manifesting in finding it harder to resist sin, and, full disclosure here, NOT resisting sin. 

I'm gonna chase a quick rabbit here and say, let's stop being afraid to confess that we sin to one another! I don't think we should brag on our sins by any means. Confession isn't bragging;  it's brokenness. But I think decades and decades of "proper" Christian women (and men) pretending they are perfect, sinless, and have it all figured out and together has done a lot more damage than good. [End rabbit chase.]

I've been reading through Nehemiah with the She Reads Truth community. I was a bit behind so I decided to catch up before I started writing. As it normally happens when I feel the desire or reluctant need to pursue Jesus again, I was utterly and painfully broken. Stories about the Israelites always have that power for me. They surrender to God, things are good, things get bad, they blame God, they turn away like whoa, things get worse, they come back, God rescues them, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat. Nehemiah tells a similar story. Things are bad. God rescues them. Things are good. And again, they forget. Nehemiah ends with them forgetting again and turning away. It doesn't end with them coming back. 

I'm sure there is a lot of theological insight to be discussed here and tons of commentaries written about it, but the way it affected me today wasn't complicated at all. It was simple. I was shattered. Psalms 16:2 says, "I say to the Lord, 'You are my Lord; I have no good apart from you.'" As I was being mad at myself that I always have to come back and frustrated that I can't just simple stay, I was reminded that I have no good apart from Him. I have no good in me apart from Him. I could list all the things I'm good at and that He's gifted me in, and those are real; He does and has made me "good" and good at things, but I NEED Jesus. Though I get frustrated with my human nature and its ugly tendency to wander, I am so thankful for my desperation and need for Jesus that always brings me back. 

So all that to say ... we're back! Physically writing here again and spiritually always coming back to Jesus again and again and hope you will too. Be patient with us as many of our team members have kids that are home from school, summer vacations, transitions, and less time to write. Our goal is to continue to bring you two posts a week on most weeks. Feel free to let us know some topics you'd love to hear our ladies write about too. 

Let's make our own rules, 
Kasia

You know how we're always so "real" with you here?  Well, I confess that I kinda almost hate anyone who ever says working out, losing weight, or being healthy is easy.  Working out is NOT natural for me, ever, at all.  I like how I feel after I do it, but I hate doing it.  I hate sweating.  I hate wearing work out clothes.  It's NOT natural for me.  It's hard, and I have to work at it.  Once upon a time I was motivated and on a roll with these sort of things.  I had lost 43 lbs; I was working out almost every day, but then life and grief happened, and I gained all but 10 of those pounds back and didn't really try for over a year.  I recently started back on this journey.  I decided to start Weight Watchers again, which I was really successful with before.  The first day when I had to get on that scale and realized all of the previous work I'd done was practically gone, my heart sunk!  But then, I quickly remembered that it didn't matter.  What did matter was that I made a choice to start back, tracked all of my points for an entire week, and started working out again.  Victories!

Let's celebrate victories, ladies!  Every small victory that isn't small at all.  Taking the effort to work out when you haven't been doing so at all is a victory.  One pound lost is a victory.  Looking in the mirror and loving who you see before you, VICTORY!  Not believing the lies that Satan (it's him, it's really him) tells you about yourself, VICTORY!  Getting up early to spend time with Jesus when before you "never had enough time," VICTORY!  Asking for forgiveness, forgiving yourself, accepting grace that none of us deserve but get instead of living in self-condemnation, VICTORY!  Choosing to grieve losses in a healthy way instead of avoidance and letting yourself get numb, victory - big, huge, not small at all, VICTORY!

So all that rambling to say, CELEBRATE VICTORIES!  Silly ones like waking up early.  Making good life choice ones like choosing the salad instead of the pizza, losing one pound, or working out more than you did last week.  Spiritual freedom ones like spending time with Jesus, conquering a sin with His help, or learning to love yourself and not be self-condemning.  And serious, big deal, healing ones, like remembering the loved ones you've lost, facing grief instead of numbing it, and figuring out what helps you heal and grieve in healthy ways.

If you missed my last post (Part 1), please take a moment to catch up before you continue. 

All caught up?  Then let's continue!  Once you have planned it, picked a time, picked a place, scheduled it and determined not to have an "ALL or NOTHING" attitude, it's time to discover how to meaningfully connect with God.

First:  Know how you connect with Him and what makes time with Him life-giving and not life-draining.  If you haven't taken Sacred Pathways at one of our events, email us!  We will gladly email you the questions and results explanations.  This was life-changing for me!  I took it in August, and thought ... "Hmm, I should try spending time with Jesus again and change things up."  But of course, my inconsistency and all or nothingness didn't let me.  When my dad died in November, I continued to try to fix myself in my own strength and failed.  I finally gave in, said I'd spend time with Jesus every day for a week and see if He could bring any relief to my grief, and like I mentioned previously, I honestly didn't believe He could.  When I started, I started with my "Pathways" in mind.  I'm an Enthusiast/Contemplative, Caregiver, and Naturalist. 

I realized: 

A.  My enthusiast side needed worship music to connect with God.  Worship music is a mandatory component of my Jesus time.  I buy a new worship album every 2-3 months. 

B.  My contemplative side needed to reflect.  This is why I started a calendar journal (You can read more about that here).  My all or nothing nature found a big journal intimidating at first, so I started small with calendar journaling and fell in love!  Now I do a calendar journal and a prayer journal. 

C.  Caring for others makes me feel closer to God (my caregiver side), so a major part of my Jesus time is listening to the Holy Spirit and who He is putting on my heart, praying for them, and then often taking my phone out right then and there to send them a quick text telling them I'm praying for them and encouraging them in some way. 

D.  I need to feel connected to nature in some way (naturalist side).  Friends, I hate sweating, so sitting outside isn't always an option for me.  When it is, I do!  But if it's too cold or too hot, I need to be sitting by a window and be able to see the outdoors. 

I also believe other things play a part in how you connect with God.  I'm an extreme extrovert, tend to be shy, BUT I 100% get energy from being around other people.  Therefore, when I try to sit at a table or desk in my empty apartment and spend time with Jesus, it's the opposite of life-giving!  It drains me.  So I create my own world in public places, usually a coffee shop.  I put in my earphones, turn on my music, journal and read –– surrounded by people, by energy, but in my own bubble with my Savior.  Which brings me to my next point/step. 

Next:  Let the floodgates open.  Bring tissues.  Public or not, if you need to cry, cry!  It's therapeutic, and it brings healing.  I can't tell you how many times I've been crying in Starbucks.  No one judges. 

Finally(ish):  Here is where I share my suggested routine.  Once you take Sacred Pathways, figure out your plan, your routine.  My routine might not be perfect for you, but it radically changed my life and now I crave spending time with Jesus instead of avoiding it. 

1. Go to your "Gethsemane" place; try out a few if you need to.  Mine is Starbucks.  Yours might be a breakfast table on your porch.  But go dressed and ready!  Getting ready helps awaken any "I'm not a morning person" tendencies. 

2. Eat before and/or bring food/snacks with you.  We're real here, remember?!  Hunger can be a distraction and an "excuse" to give up after a few minutes.  I am not good at doing anything in the mornings but getting ready, including eating.  I bring my fruit and yogurt with me.  Also, acquire caffeine if you partake of the wonderful substance.  It fights the sleepies. 

4. Pick a table/chair/bench/wherever, and set the table, like a date with Jesus.  Get out your Bible and books and nice pens, plug in your earphones, and start the worship music. 

5. Reflect.  Reflect on where you are, what you feel, why your day was crappy yesterday, your sinful tendencies, forgiveness, and then love and redemption.  I journal at this point and first. Through doing that I think about the day before, the morning, ask forgiveness for my sin, ask for clarity and focus, thank Him for loving me, etc.  And pray.  I do this via prayer journal by praying specifically for different people and their needs and different things I'm struggling with.

6. Read.  If this is your first day after long term avoidance habits, I'd highly recommend starting with Psalm 51 and then Psalm 139.  Any time I stray away and forget that I need Jesus or that He loves me, I always read these two Psalms in that order.  It's just a good reminder of our failings and His love for us.  After that, find a reading plan that works for you.  I'm currently obsessed with She Reads Truth.  They have so many great plans!  They always have a current one going on, but you can also do any of the older ones.  If I'm not caught up in my reading, which of course happens, I usually read a couple of days worth of readings, but one will do as well.  I also have been slowly reading through Psalms since my dad died when I had time left after reading whatever plan I was reading.  And, if you want to start a book, or finish a book you already started, I sometimes read a chapter of a Jesus book.  My favorite amount of time is an hour and 15 - 30 minutes.  But most often I get about 50 minutes to an hour.  All of the things I mentioned can happen in an hour!

Whew.  If you made it through all of that, it's time for action!  What's your plan?  What are you waiting for?  Just give Him two weeks, and watch Him transform your relationship with Him.  Let's stop letting Satan win this battle.  I recently watched a video from The Gospel Coalition that SheReadsTruth posted, about the importance of God's word in our lives.  Something they said stuck with me. 

"The enemy wants to keep us out of the Bible.  He's a liar.  We listen. 

He tells us things like: 

'You'll be studying the Bible later today working on something so you don't really need to study it for yourself today.' 

'You had a hard day yesterday; you need a little more sleep.'

'It will probably be boring or won't feel like it's really for you.'

The devil wants to keep us out of God's word.  We think they are our own thoughts, and perhaps they are, but Satan uses them.  God's word is living!  It's for us.  We need it."

Stop believing lies.  Let your Savior woo you back to Him.  Don't be motivated by a "supposed to" or check off list.  Be motivated by your Savior's complete, beautiful love for you.  When someone loves us that much, and we actually believe it, giving Him a little bit of time can become natural and not a hassle.  God knows you.  He made you.  He knows what you need, how your brain works, and wants you to love and enjoy spending time with Him.  Start today. 


Let's make our own rules, 
Kasia 

I've been walking with Jesus in some way or another, which admittedly sometimes involved running away from Him or dragging my feet as I walked, or kicking and screaming along the way, for 17-ish years.  When I began the journey at 13, that was probably the only year of my life until I was 29-ish (by the way, I operate on the "ish" system often) that I semi-regularly spent time with Him.  Some youth leader at some youth rally probably said something that inspired me to make a mental list of things I was "supposed" to do as a Christian.  None of those things were bad, but they didn't stick.  I was motivated to read my Bible every day so I could check it off of a list, because doing the things on that list seemed to be the opposite of spending eternity in a fiery pit.  I was motivated by a "supposed to", not by love (love for my Savior, and believing and understanding His love for me.) 

Through high school, college, and post college, my time with Jesus was hit and miss at best. When the woes of the world brought me to a realization that things don't always work or happen like they are supposed to, I didn't see the value in getting up early or making extra time in my day to spend time with Jesus.  I still walked with Jesus; He still somewhat influenced my decisions, but I wasn't captivated by Him because I didn't spend time with Him.  I was really good at believing I was capable of doing life in my own strength, with my own knowledge.  When my dad died on November 18th, 2012, there was no strength or knowledge that I had to prepare me for that grief.  In desperation, I told Jesus I'd actually try spending time with Him for two weeks, fully believing that even He couldn't bring peace or healing to my grief.  I gave a feeble attempt at an inch, and He pursued me back miles and miles. 

I actually started to enjoy giving Him a part of my day.  I loved it so much I wanted to know how to make it even better, even more life-giving to me.  For about a year and three months now, I've given Jesus part of my day, more days than not, which in all honesty was something I actually never did in my prior years of being a Christian.  It has incredibly transformed my life.  The intimacy I have with my Savior now, is not something I ever want to be without –– the intimacy and transformation is something that not only I felt, but that other people could see.  A best friend recently asked for accountability in the area of Jesus time and for a plan to jump back in it.  I sent her a REALLY long email, and she responded with, "You should make this a blog post."  I decided that was indeed a great idea.  DONE!  And so, you've been warned: The following plan/explanation to transforming your time with Jesus is a little lengthy, but so so worth it.  And I've divided it into two posts so that you can have time to think about it and really let it soak in.


First:  Plan it.  Pick a time.  Pick a place.  Schedule it.  And about timing, for many years, most of my life, I used not being a morning person as an excuse for not giving Jesus the first part of my day.  I wholeheartedly believe there is value in giving Him the first.  The later in the day it is the more chance Satan has to talk you out of it, the more chance he has to fill your day with things and make you think you don't have time, the more chance you'll get tired and find more value in a nap than in spending time with Him.  Also, the whole world isn't awake yet.  On the days I miss mornings and try for afternoons, it can and has been good, but it's so much more distracting.  People are awake and texting me, liking my instagrams, posting on Facebook, etc. If you really want to make this a lifelong regular practice that can easily fit into your life regardless of what's on your plate, I recommend mornings.  The example of giving God our mornings is all through scripture, Old and New Testament.  And also, Jesus did it.  Can't argue with that point. :)  If you don't have a specific schedule, "morning" can be a flexible term.  You can sleep in until 9:00, take a shower, eat something (or pack a lunch) and still be giving him the first part of your day.  I really believe we're called to give Him our first fruits, tithe and time.  Neither are easy, but He blesses it times a million.  So far no one who has given mornings a chance can argue with me on this point. :) 

Then:  If your plan falls through, don't beat yourself up or throw in the towel.  I am the QUEEN of all or nothing.  My entire spiritual journey until last year was all or nothing, and therefore mostly nothing.  If I couldn't spend two hours reading my Bible and being hyper spiritual, if I skipped a day, if there was any inconsistency at all, NOTHING.  It can't be like that.  We don't have to push ourselves into pits of self-condemnation.  If we miss a day, two, a month, or 5 years, He's just as ready to take us back.  So if you accidentally skip a morning, try for the afternoon; if it doesn't pan out ... tomorrow is a new day with new mercies!  


In my next post, we'll talk more about specific ways to connect with God and develop an action plan! 

Let's make our own rules, 
Kasia 

Hello! My name is Kasia. It looks like a more confusing name than it is (Thanks, mom!), but it's just Asia with a K. I'm originally from Mississippi, but I lived in New Orleans/Slidell for four years, which is where I met the lovely ladies of Total Woman U. I moved back to Mississippi three years ago and now consider myself a loyal resident of the happy, brick street laden town of Clinton, Mississippi. By day I have been a Resident Director (modern day dorm mom) at Mississippi College in Clinton, Mississippi for 3 years. I'll be starting a new unknown job in the area this summer! During my free time, I am a [mostly] food blogger (kasiaskitchen.com) and a very part time, mostly for fun, free lance baking caterer. I'm single, never married, and have no kiddos (though I kinda feel like I have 176 rowdy college aged ones sometimes). I believe one day God will bring that special man into my life, but until then I patiently(ish) wait, and am now accepting applications/recommendations. Feel free to send any eligible Jesus-loving men my way!  I am very involved with Arise Church in Clinton, Mississippi. I am also on the Mainstreet Clinton Promotions Committee (we plan events like outdoor movie nights and markets on our Olde Towne brick streets) and the Mainstreet Clinton Fresh at Five Farmer's Market Committee. 

I collect aprons, owls, nail polish (I have 200+ bottles -- it's a problem), dresses, cookbooks, scarves, cardigans, and kitchen things. I'm obsessed with organizing things, meal planning, Harry Potter, painting my nails, blogs, owls, Hunger Games, instagramming, glitter, the Food Network, recipes, baking, cooking, autumn, Starbucks, ballet flats, all things pink, fashion, and more. I'm a highly passionate person and when I love something, I REALLY love it, hence the many collections/obsessions above. My all time favorite show is Gilmore Girls, and I'm currently loving Downton Abbey, Once Upon a Time, and Parenthood a whole lot. I just generally love an ongoing multiple season TV series. My current favorite movie is Frozen, but I also always love Sleepless in Seattle, The Dead Poet's Society, Good Will Hunting, and Remember the Titans. 

I like to think I'm a little quirky. For most of my life I've been aware that I've often been an exception to the rule. My mom, dad, and brother had perfectly straight teeth and 20/20 vision. I've worn glasses since third grade and had braces. My family of origin is a bit crazy and characterized by many chaotic things like substance abuse, and statistically I should have followed in their footsteps, but I didn't. I was the first person in my family to graduate from college. So, from an early age I've been a different kind of rule breaker, the exception to the rule kind. Therefore, I fully believe in making your own rules! I have weird rules, and fun rules. I love all things pumpkin flavored, but I only eat pumpkin from August to November. I drink hot beverages when it's cold and cold beverages when it's hot, and will not waiver! I don't eat soup when it's hot outside or watermelon when it's cold. I only bake mint chocolate things in the Christmas season. See? Weird rules. But I also "rule" that if you wish you could pull something off that someone else does, you can and should! Leopard print in every way shape and form for curvy girls too and not just skinny ones? Yes, please! Bright red lipstick when you don't have a stitch of other makeup on? Done. Painted nails every day when all you can grow are stubs? Why not?! Skin tone/hair color rules tell me I shouldn't wear pink, but as I type this I'm wearing a hot pink blazer and loving it. 

I have been connected to Total Woman U since October of 2009. I serve as the Communications Director, which means I manage the blog and social media. I love TWU and want to be involved with it for many reasons, but one of the main ones is that it saved me in a way. At a time in my life when I really believed God could never use me in ministry again, it gently brought me back and helped God smash those lies from Satan. At our TWU retreat in January, we were challenged to come up with a personal purpose statement. I believe my mission in life could be summed up as the following: "I seek to live a transparent, gospel-centered life -- on a mission to love people genuinely and uniquely; remembering, living in, and declaring redemption and freedom from shame; living vulnerably and pushing women to discover and love their true selves and make their own rules." Until next time friends! 

Let's make our own rules, 
Kasia

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