I reluctantly made the wise choice to take a break from blogging on any blogs until I was somewhat transitioned. The TWU faculty and blogging team was so supportive and covered me in prayer and encouragement through all the changes. That was huge considering that taking that break meant not managing and posting their posts here either. So thankful for those ladies! I'm not transitioned fully or anything (are we ever?), but my house is enough unpacked, my new sleep schedule feels somewhat normal, I know a few things at work (emphasis on few, as in three or four, no more), I'm a little less sad about the wonderful chapter of life I finished by leaving my former job and apartment, and all my free time is no longer occupied by packing, unpacking, moving, reading policy and procedures, and freaking out about all the change happening.
As I thought about transition and coming back to this writing space to write and post things, I was also reminded of how often I have to come back to Jesus. I had a whole Starbucks day planned to find my writing rhythms again, get organized, prep posts, etc. I made myself start with Jesus, knowing He inspires my words, but honestly, I wasn't very excited about it. I've been feeling the weight of my sin and how the lack of a good outlet, like writing, was manifesting in finding it harder to resist sin, and, full disclosure here, NOT resisting sin.
I'm gonna chase a quick rabbit here and say, let's stop being afraid to confess that we sin to one another! I don't think we should brag on our sins by any means. Confession isn't bragging; it's brokenness. But I think decades and decades of "proper" Christian women (and men) pretending they are perfect, sinless, and have it all figured out and together has done a lot more damage than good. [End rabbit chase.]
I've been reading through Nehemiah with the She Reads Truth community. I was a bit behind so I decided to catch up before I started writing. As it normally happens when I feel the desire or reluctant need to pursue Jesus again, I was utterly and painfully broken. Stories about the Israelites always have that power for me. They surrender to God, things are good, things get bad, they blame God, they turn away like whoa, things get worse, they come back, God rescues them, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat. Nehemiah tells a similar story. Things are bad. God rescues them. Things are good. And again, they forget. Nehemiah ends with them forgetting again and turning away. It doesn't end with them coming back.
I'm sure there is a lot of theological insight to be discussed here and tons of commentaries written about it, but the way it affected me today wasn't complicated at all. It was simple. I was shattered. Psalms 16:2 says, "I say to the Lord, 'You are my Lord; I have no good apart from you.'" As I was being mad at myself that I always have to come back and frustrated that I can't just simple stay, I was reminded that I have no good apart from Him. I have no good in me apart from Him. I could list all the things I'm good at and that He's gifted me in, and those are real; He does and has made me "good" and good at things, but I NEED Jesus. Though I get frustrated with my human nature and its ugly tendency to wander, I am so thankful for my desperation and need for Jesus that always brings me back.
So all that to say ... we're back! Physically writing here again and spiritually always coming back to Jesus again and again and hope you will too. Be patient with us as many of our team members have kids that are home from school, summer vacations, transitions, and less time to write. Our goal is to continue to bring you two posts a week on most weeks. Feel free to let us know some topics you'd love to hear our ladies write about too.
Let's make our own rules,